


Yessir That's Our Hawkeye

by onekisstotakewithme



Series: Pocket Hawk [1]
Category: MASH (TV)
Genre: Age Regression/De-Aging, Crack Treated Seriously, Crack and then I got emotionally involved, De-Aged Hawkeye Pierce, Fluff and Crack, Gen, Kid Fic, No Explanation just Sweet Sweet Crack, Pocket Hawk, Sort Of, Toddlers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-16
Updated: 2018-06-05
Packaged: 2019-05-07 23:53:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,004
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14682135
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/onekisstotakewithme/pseuds/onekisstotakewithme
Summary: Hawk turns into a toddler. The biggest surprise is how little things change.A collection of vignettes, featuring Pocket Hawk





	1. Pocket Hawk: Sunrise Serenade

**Author's Note:**

  * For [flootzavut](https://archiveofourown.org/users/flootzavut/gifts), [Doctorinblue](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Doctorinblue/gifts).



> because thank you for everything ♥
> 
> Also thank you to the entirety of the MASH Discord, this one is for y'all, especially everyone who told me to write this crack fic in the first place. You are all truly amazing entities, so thank you for the crackalackin ideas and for the encouragement.  
> ~Pocket Hawk exists because of you ♥~

“Bee!”

BJ is woken up when his eyelids are pried open by a sticky little hand, and can’t help but sigh as he sits up, rubbing a hand over his face, before glancing over at the clock.

Just after five in the morning.

It's hard for him to remember that he really does love Hawkeye, especially on mornings when the little brat pries his eyelids open before dawn because he wants someone to walk him to the latrine.

“Good morning to you too,” he tells Hawk, who watches him from the end of his cot, wide blue eyes bright in the dim.

“Bee,” Hawk says insistently.

“Yeah, yeah,” BJ replies, as Hawk continues babbling, pulling on his robe, and digging his shoes out from under his cot.  

Hawk is wrapped up in his own robe, even though it drags on the ground, and his feet are bare on the dirt of the tent.

BJ sighs, pulling his robe more tightly around him against the chill of the morning, and takes Hawk’s hand. As they walk to the latrine, Hawk continues babbling at him about all the things he's going to do today. Beej only understands about one word in ten, so it's really no different from when Hawk is absolutely drunk.

He stops outside the latrine, opening the door for Hawk. “There you go, Hawk,” he says, before yawning again. Once he’s sure Hawk is preoccupied inside the latrine, he mutters, “And I hope to God Erin isn’t like this at your age.”

Hawk emerges, and reaches for BJ’s hand again, excitedly tugging him back to the Swamp.

He's expecting an irate Charles when they get back, but Charles is still asleep, snoring softly in his corner.

At least until Hawk lets out a bellow of "CHUCKIE" and throws himself on top of Charles.

BJ stands, frozen, expecting an explosion from Charles, until he hears... laughter. And not just Hawk's high pitched cackle, but... is that Charles laughing too?

"Ah, Pierce! Good to see you are awake!" Charles is actually sitting up and laughing, with Hawk scrambling to sit on his knee. “I trust you slept well?”

He listens intently to Hawk’s babbling, trying to hide a smile, when Hawk calls him “Chuckie” again.

“I do prefer Chuck, or Charlie, or God forbid, Charles, but I suppose… Chuckie will do.”

Hawk snuggles into him. “Good Chuckie,” he says, reaching to pat Charles on the face. BJ resists the urge to duck out of the tent and laugh, and wishes he had a camera.

Charles allows Hawk to pet him, before patting the little boy on the head, somewhat awkwardly. “Good… Pierce.”

BJ shakes his head, watching them. "Well I'll be damned."

"Hunnicutt, not in front of our diminutive colleague, please. We are more civilized than that, are we not, Pierce?"

Hawk giggles, which is about the answer BJ expected.

“I hope you’ll find this funny when it’s all over,” he tells Hawk. “Because one of us has to.”

“Come now, Hunnicutt, surely you can see a benefit to this? No terrible attempts at wit, less drinking…”

“Remember that, Charles, because next time, _you’re_ taking him to the latrine.”

Hawk climbs off of Charles’ lap, and walks back over to BJ. “Up,” he demands. “Bee.”

BJ lifts him up, and props Hawk on his hip. “Where to, sailor?” he asks him.

“Bed,” Hawkeye tells him. “Go to bed.”

“You know Hawk,” BJ says, tapping his best friend on the tip of his nose, provoking a cross-eyed giggle from Hawk, “that’s the best idea you’ve had all day.”


	2. Pocket Hawk: Bad Words

His tray of food in hand, and Hawk clutching his pant leg, BJ makes his way over to Colonel Potter’s table. “Morning,” he says, setting down the tray, before sitting down. BJ watches Hawk struggle with hoisting himself onto the bench for at least minute, before helping him up. “There ya go, Hawk. Could’ve asked for help, you know.”

“Too stubborn,” Potter tells him, sipping his coffee.

“Yep,” BJ grins down at his best friend. “That’s our Hawk, all right.”

Hawk gives him a look, and squirms on the hard bench, glaring at the food BJ has brought over. “Bee,” he mumbles, disdain clear on his face.

“Yeah, Hawk, I know, you hate the food,” BJ says, pushing his tray towards Hawk. “You still have to eat it. We all do.”

“We really need to get this boy some proper clothes,” Potter says, watching Hawkeye. “I felt a chill in the air this morning. According to that wind, winter is right around the corner.”

“Perhaps it was merely the old bones rattling,” Charles mutters into his coffee cup. Potter gives him a look but goes back to his breakfast.

“I thought I was in charge of Captain Pierce’s wardrobe?” Klinger asks.

“Colonel, surely you aren’t-,” Winchester starts.

“Before you start blustering, Winchester, stop. I can hardly hear you over these old rattlin’ bones and I prefer to keep it that way.”  

"You just wait, Captain,” Klinger says to Hawkeye with a grin. “I’ve got a beautiful pair of pajamas just for you! Perfectly tailored and everything. I hardly had to alter Radar's pajamas at all!"

Radar shoots Klinger a dirty look, as everyone around the table tries to hide their smiles.

Hawk looks up at BJ with big blue eyes, and BJ sighs. He pulls Hawk into his lap, before tugging the tray back over. Hawk ignores the fork on the table and instead reaches for the bacon. He picks it up, sniffing it, before making a face, and throwing it.

Of course, it lands on Charles.

Instead of getting angry, Charles just winks at Hawkeye and buries his face in the pathetic excuse for breakfast.

"Hunnicutt," Potter says. "We're supposed to be getting a lot of casualties today, so-,"

"Colonel, not in front of Pierce, please."

"Someone needs to babysit."

"It'll be all hands on deck in OR," Margaret says, passing Hawk a piece of bread smeared with jam, which he stuffs in his mouth whole. "Oh, Pierce, your table manners are terrible."

Hawk grins at her with his mouth full of food. BJ can't help but laugh, and Margaret shakes her head.

“See, he’s the exact same man as always. Childish, immature… ahhhtrocious table manners.”

"We still need a babysitter. What about me?” Klinger asks, drawing strange looks from the assembled crowd. "I don’t know nothin’ about kids, but I’m sure willing to try.”

“Sorry, Corporal. You’re needed in OR too.”

"Maybe we won't get casualties," BJ says, reaching to cover Hawk's ears for a second. Once he’s reasonably sure that Hawkeye can’t hear him, he continues, "But we're fucked without an extra surgeon, if you’ll excuse my language.”

"Vulgar vocabulary aside, Hunnicutt _is_ right, Colonel. Even with our combined expertise, we are indeed lacking a surgeon. I'm afraid they don't make safety scalpels," Charles comments, as BJ removes his hands from Hawk's ears.

Father Mulcahy sits down across from Hawkeye. “Good morning everyone. Morning Hawkeye.”

Hawk giggles and mumbles something to himself.

"Speak up, Pierce," Charles tells him.

Hawkeye looks right at him, grins, and then says, quite loudly. "FUCK."

There's absolute silence in the mess tent for a few seconds as everyone cranes their neck to look at Hawk. The laughter erupts in the silence. Winchester looks as if he’s doing his best to suppress a smile, but eventually starts chuckling. Radar is laughing so hard that he falls backwards off the bench. Potter wipes at his eyes, his shoulders shaking. Margaret is clutching onto Klinger’s arm to keep herself upright, and he leans into her, the two of them laughing too.

Father Mulcahy is the only one who’s unamused, his face bright red.

Hawk is grinning, glad to have made everyone laugh (because he really is still Hawkeye Pierce). BJ just buries his face in his hands. He's so in over his head.


	3. Pocket Hawk: Laundry Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Laundry day with Hawkeye and BJ

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is dedicated to the entire MASH Discord, who have made my whole day already, just by wishing me a happy birthday. I love all of you ♥ and so this feelsy mess is dedicated to you.

"C'mon Hawk," BJ shakes Hawk’s shoulder gently, trying to wake up his best friend from the nap he’s currently taking in BJ’s cot.

"Wha?" Hawk asks, head popping out of the little nest he's made out of standard army blankets and his own bathrobe.

BJ sighs when he sees that his favourite pink shirt has been adopted as a new security blanket, clutched in Hawk’s arms (almost at tight as adult Hawk used to cling on to BJ). At the same time, he can’t help but find it cute. "C'mon, want to help me do laundry?"

"Come now, Hunnicutt," Charles starts, picking a great time to walk in from the showers. "Surely you do not intend to use Pierce as a houseboy?"

"Laundry?" Hawk asks, interested, his hair sticking up in all directions.

"Yeah, Hawk. Laundry."

Hawk scrambles out of bed, only to be rewarded by having a heap of clothes handed to him. BJ can barely see him over the mound of clothing, but Hawk still manages to maneuver his way over to Charles’ bunk. "Laundry, Chuckie," he tells him.

"Oh, thank you Pierce, but no. I am capable of doing my own laundry."

"Ha!" BJ raises an eyebrow.

"Ha!" Hawk mimics him.

"You've never done your own laundry in your life," BJ tells him. "I'm teaching Hawk here some good honest values."

"Good, perhaps some of his lessons will rub off on you, Hunnicutt. There is only one child in this tent, but I am beginning to suspect that it is you."

"See you around, Charles. C'mon, Hawk." With his free hand, he takes Hawk's hand, and they walk across the compound to the laundry tent.

Father Mulcahy has filled the laundry tub for them, but Hawk's eyes go wide when the laundry soap is poured into the tub, leaving bubbles across the surface.

He pokes at one, and giggles when it pops. He turns to BJ. "Bubble!" he says, insistently.

"Yeah, Hawk, it's a bubble."

"Bee, look!" Hawk points, as he pops another one. "Bubble!"

BJ can't help but laugh, as Hawk sets a rubber duck floating in the tub. "What's he doing here?"

"Swimmin" Hawk tells him, before popping another bubble.

BJ sets down his laundry for a second, and looks at Hawk, who's standing on a step stool in order to help (though he isn't really helping), getting an idea.

"Gimme your hand, Hawk."

"Say pease," Hawk reminds him.

"Can I have your hand, please, Hawk?"

Hawk gives BJ his hand, and BJ lowers it into the water, underneath one of the bubbles, before holding up Hawk's soapy hands. "Watch this," he tells him, and then blows the bubbles off Hawk's hand, watching as the confused look on Hawk's face turns to one of absolute joy, his blue eyes going wide. "Ooooh," Hawk says, and it's such a noise of pure childlike joy and wonder that it stops BJ cold.

"Oooh is right," he tells Hawkeye, swallowing the lump in his throat. He tries not to think of Erin, tries to blink back the tears, but can’t.

"Again!" Hawk insists, not noticing his best friend’s distress. "Again, Bee! Oooh again!"

"All right," BJ responds, before dipping Hawk's hand into the water, the tears still stinging his eyes. He can't help but remember Peg doing this with Erin, and thinks of how much he misses his family. But seeing the look on Hawk's face as he blows the bubbles off his hand almost makes it worth it.

“Bee?” Hawk asks, looking up at him. “Bee okay?”

“Bee is fine, Hawk,” he says, before running a soapy hand over Hawk’s hair.

Hawk giggles and grabs BJ’s face in his soapy wet hands and pressing a wet kiss to BJ’s cheek. “Bee okay,” he tells him.”

BJ can’t help but give in then, wrapping his arms around Hawk in a tight hug. As much as he wants the adult Hawkeye back, getting to have moments like this, moments he’s missed out on with his own family… well. It’s second best, but it’s pretty damn good.

“Ooh again?” Hawk asks, dipping his hand in the water.

“Let’s do it.”


End file.
